Episode Eighteen: Enjoy the Fiendly Skies

The title of today's blog is no typo, I do mean "Fiendly" as in Fiend.  There's been a lot of controversy as of late regarding heightened security measures at America's Airports.  SNL has already done a brilliant skit on the subject.  Here at the Curve Zone we are all about making light of otherwise awkward or difficult situations.  Therefore I have compiled a list of things to say/sing while being strip searched that will make your unfortunate TSA agent as uncomfortable as you.  Note, songs will be linked with a You Tube video when applicable, I do not own the rights to this content- owners may request the removal of links if need be. 

Ways to Make Light of Full Cavity Searches:

1. Hum/Sing the Air Supply Ballad “Now there’s two less lonely people in the world.” Two Less Lonely People- Air Supply
2. “You are at least going to buy me breakfast right?  Cinnabon is just a few terminals away, no excuses.” 
3. “You swallow one little penny…if you find any loose change up there, it’s all yours chief.” 
4. “hmm, can you move a little to the right?”  pause “oooooooohhhh yeahhhhh”
5. (For Men being Searched by Other Men) “Hello sweetie.” 
6. (For Women) If you like you can do a pap smear while you’re at it, just mail me the results, ok?
7. (For Women) Can you check for lumps while you’re at it? 
8. “Hmm, shouldn’t have had taco bell for lunch… my bad…” 
9. (If TSA agent is attractive) “You know, in some parts of the world this would be a binding contract of marriage”
10. “Just as long as you respect me in the morning.” 
11. “Hey do you want to friend me on Facebook?”
12. (Warning, may be too creepy) “Hey, do you want to add me on My Space?”
13. “Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?” Black Eyed Peas my Humps
14. “People, people who need people…”  People from Funny Girl
15. “Touch me, it’s so easy to leave me, all alone with the memory!” Memory from Cats
16. “You know, my wife/husband never touches me like that anymore…”
17. “Hey, since you’re already there, I need to take this pill, I have it and my prescription, can you just shove it on up while you’re in the neighborhood?”
18. “Ah yes, it has been three thousand miles hasn’t it?  The downside for frequent fliers.”
19. “Barney is a Dinosaur….” “Oh I’m sorry, you want me to stop?  It’s just this is bringing back soooo many childhood memories.” 
20. “You know I don’t normally go along with this sort of thing on the first date, but I could tell there was something special about you… err… what is your name again?”
21. “I don’t want anyone else, when I think about you I touch myself.” I touch Myself
22. “You’ve got the touch, you’ve got the power.” Transformers Song
23. “Can’t touch this…” then yelp, “Oh god… MC Hammer lied… he lied…” 
24. Grin, just grin throughout the entire search, then thank the TSA agent with a coy wink at the end. 
25. “What’s the safe word?” 

 Just remember friends to put some ice on it afterward.  Good luck holiday travelers and God Speed. 

Episode Seventeen: Coordinating

Today's topic is really slapped on to give this post the illusion of direction, and a title.  Truth be told the last few weeks have been part events, part laziness, and part muddling about.  I submersed myself in wedding stuff.  Though the projected date of nuptials isn't for over a year, I've been pricing things to find out the plausibility of everything.  I have discovered that my former belief that anything and everything can be googled and you will receive maximum answers, is false.  Wedding venues, in particular, are not all listed as such- especially if said location is normally used for a purpose other than weddings/receptions. 

The wedding issue is a prime example of today's topic: Coordinating.  Weddings are all about coordinating, and when you're dealing with an interracial and interfaith wedding the challenges increase exponentially.  If you don't believe me, go to a store that sells cake toppers and try to find a cake with an Asian Groom standing next to a White bride.  When you have a limited budget as a young couple it becomes a game of coordinating costs with desires.  If you hate algebra then planning a wedding is not for you.  "If we get x venue then we will have to rent Y and Z equipment- if we get Q venue then we do not need Z equipment but we need 2Y equipment..." 

Aside from wedding planning I have been having some luck in the writing department.  I am a few chapters away from completion of my novel.  Then the real fun begins: editing.  Thus I am coordinating the end of my book, trying to ensure there are few-to-no loose ends left dangling about.  As a reader if there's one thing I hate, it's loose ends.  To me loose ends in a story are a lot like a piece of string hanging from a shirt. 

Usually I see this happen with secondary characters and plots- I suppose writers/creators feel that these stories aren't as interesting as the main plot/characters.  I, for one have read books or watched television programs for the secondary characters and not the primary. 

As a result I'm finding myself struggling as a writer to think of any conceivable loose end I may have left in my book that will not be covered in sequel or side story.  I believe that the end of a book is always the best place to tackle the unresolved questions/issues.  Perhaps it's because that regardless of whether the ending was happy or not, people like closure.  Endings that satisfy involve closing all the windows left open, save for those that are alluding to the next story.  If you will, it's always a good idea to shut off the lights when leaving the house, writing is no different. 

So yes I've rambled.  Lunchtime is closing so I must scurry off back to work.  Thanks for reading. 

Episode Sixteen: Honesty Dear Readers.

Good day beloved readers,

Today I am going to brave the first poll of the blog- momentous, is it not?  The question of the poll is not an unusual one- in fact it's rather cliche.  The question is what would you do with a billion dollars.  However- the answers are broken down to a few basic elements- and it's up to you to select your choice in the poll. 

Will you use a Billion for:

Philanthropy

LOLZ!

Revenge

Investment

or

Luxury

:D

Feel free to leave comments elaborating on what you'd do- but keep in mind that things commented on this blog are not private.  Any elaborate revenge schemes posted here could and may be used as evidence in a court of law. 

Episode Fifteen: Prelude to a Move

Blogging, and everything else for that matter, has been slow the last few weeks.  My fiance and I have been preparing to move into a new apartment.  You, gentle reader, can probably relate to the... joys of lifting furniture, finding affordable truck rentals, arranging utilities, paying deposits and fees, and the multitude of odds and ends to be tidied up. 

Today's post is open ended, feel free to comment with your moving tips, stories, and ideas. 

I'd love to hear some suggestions on the following:

-Pest control, our new apartment has a tree line so my fiance and I will have to rodent-proof our humble dwelling.  What has worked/not worked for you?  I know this is a sticky subject for animal lovers- and if you know if a way to keep rodents/bugs out of a home without causing harm to them I'd love to know. 

-Saving your back during a move, lifting tips, pacing tips, etc

-Tips on checking for damages.  No matter how many times I move into an apartment, it seems I always, always overlook a damage despite combing said apartment.  I plan to clean the apartment the day before move in so I can catch any damages and also to ensure the bathroom, kitchen, etc are clean. 

-Affordable places to find small furniture (i.e. bookshelves, end tables).  I'm going to look on Craig's list and garage sales.  I've already scoped out Goodwill but the prices were surprisingly high.  Big Lots may also help a lot.