It all started, like many things in my life, when I was talking my fiance into a blinded stupor. Though I should note that during this particular conversation with him (or perhaps, at him) he was in fact still conscious. At this time I professed my overwhelming excitement at an upcoming wedding of an old college friend. At said event I would be seeing the girls again. It was then that I admitted to him the long-standing female conspiracy.
See it is imperative that I participate in a "Ladies Night" once every so often or I shall relinquish my amazing feminine powers which befuddle and thwart the male species. There is a reason that women become refreshed after Ladies Night, why we insist on traveling to bathrooms in packs, and why we bother with the Twilight Saga. Yes, the Twilight Saga, a guarantee to keep Estrogen levels at a maximum to ensure the communal interlinking process.
That's right, we, women of the world, have a secretive communal interlinking process in which we gain telepathic powers! Have you ever wondered how your female friends can exchange an entire dialogue without saying a word at the dinner table while you gape on in baffled fear? Like the Borg from Star Trek we are a collective unit known as The Femme, and our existence hinges on the periodic gathering to link up our thoughts.
Movies such as The Notebook, City of Angels, Lakehouse, etc- they contain subliminal messages from the Great Mother who controls the hive mind of The Femme, and they help us remember what we must do to succeed in our never-ending quest to subjugate the male species. The Great Mother will someday have the enslaved male race toiling at her chocolate farms and stitching together her designer high heels.
So the next time you're at dinner with female companions and one says "I'll be back" and the other chimes in "I'll go to the restroom too" just remember that you are witnessing a truly sinister conspiracy at work.
(Post is being Facetious, except the part about people liking Twilight because it is the anti-male, that's actually rather true.)
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