Episode Eighteen: Enjoy the Fiendly Skies

The title of today's blog is no typo, I do mean "Fiendly" as in Fiend.  There's been a lot of controversy as of late regarding heightened security measures at America's Airports.  SNL has already done a brilliant skit on the subject.  Here at the Curve Zone we are all about making light of otherwise awkward or difficult situations.  Therefore I have compiled a list of things to say/sing while being strip searched that will make your unfortunate TSA agent as uncomfortable as you.  Note, songs will be linked with a You Tube video when applicable, I do not own the rights to this content- owners may request the removal of links if need be. 

Ways to Make Light of Full Cavity Searches:

1. Hum/Sing the Air Supply Ballad “Now there’s two less lonely people in the world.” Two Less Lonely People- Air Supply
2. “You are at least going to buy me breakfast right?  Cinnabon is just a few terminals away, no excuses.” 
3. “You swallow one little penny…if you find any loose change up there, it’s all yours chief.” 
4. “hmm, can you move a little to the right?”  pause “oooooooohhhh yeahhhhh”
5. (For Men being Searched by Other Men) “Hello sweetie.” 
6. (For Women) If you like you can do a pap smear while you’re at it, just mail me the results, ok?
7. (For Women) Can you check for lumps while you’re at it? 
8. “Hmm, shouldn’t have had taco bell for lunch… my bad…” 
9. (If TSA agent is attractive) “You know, in some parts of the world this would be a binding contract of marriage”
10. “Just as long as you respect me in the morning.” 
11. “Hey do you want to friend me on Facebook?”
12. (Warning, may be too creepy) “Hey, do you want to add me on My Space?”
13. “Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?” Black Eyed Peas my Humps
14. “People, people who need people…”  People from Funny Girl
15. “Touch me, it’s so easy to leave me, all alone with the memory!” Memory from Cats
16. “You know, my wife/husband never touches me like that anymore…”
17. “Hey, since you’re already there, I need to take this pill, I have it and my prescription, can you just shove it on up while you’re in the neighborhood?”
18. “Ah yes, it has been three thousand miles hasn’t it?  The downside for frequent fliers.”
19. “Barney is a Dinosaur….” “Oh I’m sorry, you want me to stop?  It’s just this is bringing back soooo many childhood memories.” 
20. “You know I don’t normally go along with this sort of thing on the first date, but I could tell there was something special about you… err… what is your name again?”
21. “I don’t want anyone else, when I think about you I touch myself.” I touch Myself
22. “You’ve got the touch, you’ve got the power.” Transformers Song
23. “Can’t touch this…” then yelp, “Oh god… MC Hammer lied… he lied…” 
24. Grin, just grin throughout the entire search, then thank the TSA agent with a coy wink at the end. 
25. “What’s the safe word?” 

 Just remember friends to put some ice on it afterward.  Good luck holiday travelers and God Speed.