Episode Five: Superheroes, Tights and Capes Aren't Easy

 (Forgive the surge of posts, I making more before I get busy with work this weekend). 

Like most every red-blooded woman working in a customer service related industry there are several days where I feel
like somehow I'm required to be Superman as part of my job.  As part of my job I have to make the impossible possible and somehow appease the most unusual of requests from magically solving the problem of the inconvenient road construction to people wanting me to call their cell phone companies for them.  As a result I begin to entertain the advantages of heat vision, flying, or super strength.  What results is a deep appreciation of how demanding being a super hero would be...

1. The Costume:  I'm the kind of woman who hates pantyhose.  Now imagine running around and fighting crime in, you got it- tights you procured from the tiny plastic egg at Walmart.  Then there is the fact that male or female most super hero suits (at least if you're in the realm of Marvel or DC) is VERY form fitting.  Are you ready for an entire metropolis to see the exact shape of your buttocks?  As for the Ladies, when it isn't skin tight- it's not even there.  Do you feel a breeze?  I feel a breeze.  Secretly I suspect five out of every six super heroes sneaks to adjust the thermostat mid battle against injustice.

2. The Lack of Personal Boundaries:  

This comic I drew about a year ago is silly, but it's true.  If you hate the sound of your cell ringing when you're in the shower or trying to watch TV, imagine the Bat Signal.  You can't exactly say "I'm sorry Citizens, but it was the Season Finale of Dancing with the Stars and well...  you didn't really need that preschool, right?"  This could also explain the mystery of why the average super hero/James Bond/Indiana Jones/Adventurer cannot hold down a long term relationship.  All you want to do is snuggle up on the couch with your sweetie- but if the world needs saving... well...

3.  No One You Love Would EVER Be Safe: 

Even if you're not a comic book aficionado you are probably aware that the arch nemesis will always, always kidnap the person most important to you at some point in time.  It may be your sweet, elderly Aunt or the girl/boy you've been crushing on since the dawn of time- but none-the-less, people you care about will by necessity be in mortal peril approximately every other Tuesday.

4. Arch (Friend)Nemesis:

As an ordinary person I can sleep well at night knowing I lack an arch nemesis.  Enter the world of the super hero.  Not only will you have an arch nemesis- but your best friend will be one of the primary candidates to become said nemesis.

5. Monologue-ing from Said Nemesis:

If you struggle to stay awake in class/a staff meeting, this life is not for you.  Even worse, few villains bother with a Powerpoint presentation to break the monotony of the monologue.  Just food for thought.

And the Winner Is:

6.  Expectations:  If you can fly and shoot lasers out of your eyes the expectations are that much higher.  As an ordinary human being when life is dishing it out at least you can fling your hands in the air and cry out "What do you want from me?  I'm not Superman!"  Unfortunately for Clark Kent... well... maybe this is the reason for all those Superhero alter-egos?