Episode Fifty: 50th Episode Spectacular- How to Deal with Exes

In honor of our 50th episode we have a crudely drawn Hamster with a Cupcake on his back. 

Today's topic doesn't relate to the 50th post (sorry!), but it was one that came to mind.  Today's topic is everyone's favorite subject, exes!

Now I haven't run into any of my exes recently (thankfully) and the ones I have seen/talked to in the past year have all been gentlemen with whom I was on good terms.  However, I realized when my mom was talking about how she dreaded going to her school reunion because she'd run into my dad, I realized most people do have at least one ex they'd like to avoid. 


How to Handle Exes:

How to handle your ex is centered around what sort of relationship you want to have with that person.  Do you want to be a part of this person's life or would you rather they lived on Pluto?  It is possible for exes to be friends, but it's also natural to not want to associate with your exes. 

Unfriendly Exes

Don't want to associate with your ex?  Sometimes you have to because you have children together, work together, or due to mutual friends and other loved ones.  If you dislike your ex and don't have to interact with them- then don't.  It's as simple as that.  You don't need to follow them on facebook, twitter, My Space why would you even have a My Space? a digital purge is the best first step.

Here are some tips:

1. "But what if they're talking bad about me?"  The Answer: So what?  It is a disappointing fact of life that someone, somewhere, sometime will speak ill of you.  People who love you, the ones who matter, won't pay heed.  The only time it is a problem is if children are involved- at which time you're better off speaking to a professional rather than confronting your ex. 

2. "I want to avoid them, but what about the wedding/funeral of a mutual friend or when we're dropping off/picking up the kids?"  The Answer: Be professional and aloof.  If you don't like someone, ex, coworker, client, etc- your best bet is to be professional.  Keep your interaction to the business at hand.  Don't be snide, mean, or nasty- just be neutral.  You don't have to be nice, just don't be confrontational. 

3. "What if I see them with another person?"  The Answer: If you really don't like this person let it be someone else's problem.  Don't set out to "save" the next person.  If it bothers you, well, you may have unresolved feelings, but your best bet is to be courteous.  If you hate that your ex has moved on and you haven't don't worry- your time will come. 

Friendly Exes:

I can't really do this topic justice in one post, so I will keep to the basics.  I do recommend reading "He's Just Not that Into You" if you are struggling with this topic.  As harsh as the title may sound it is actually filled with many positive points, many affirmations of worth.  Some of the advice is simplistic- but it has a sturdy foundation. 

If you're still in love with your ex it boils down to two outcomes: you get back together or you do not get back together.  If you truly had that one in a million, cannot be replaced, absolutely meant to be together love, then eventually you will find your way back to one another.  Sometimes people just need time to grow on their own.  Most often it isn't meant to be.  The good news is the remedy for both situations is the same: space and time.  Either you need time to grow or you need time to realize that your ex wasn't really the right one. 

In the Meantime here's what you do:

1.  Be nice, be very nice, but never break boundaries.  Your goal is to be desirable but ever-unobtainable.  Be sweet, funny, and all the wonderful things about you they fell in love with.  But, never, ever give your ex more than friendship. Don't sleep with them, don't kiss them, don't date them- just be the Aphrodite or Adonis that you are, ever out of arm's reach.  Don't be the one yearning away- be the one yearned for. 

2. Learn to Let Go: If you truly love the other person then you must accept that the next man/woman may be better for them than you.  This is an ego blow, but don't let it get to you.  If your ex would put someone ahead of you they're not worth it.  You deserve someone who would never settle for anyone but you.  Let your ex and their new love interest go.  If the new fling is bad for your ex, they will eventually figure it out.  Let them make their own mistakes.  If the new fling is good for your ex, you don't want to be the sort of person who breaks two people up. 

3. Find You.  Even in a healthy, happy relationship it is easy to lose sight of who you are.  You may simply lack the time to do certain things you loved to do.  Rediscover your self- your hobbies, your sense of adventure, your personality.  The happier you are with yourself the easier it will be to handle your ex. 

4. When you're ready, move on. 

But please, be cautious of internet dating...