Episode Thirty Nine: Expectations

I believe thoroughly that my expectations of service should be based upon the level of money spent on the purchase.  I hate being behind that guy at McDonald's who is berating the staff because his hamburger wasn't super fresh.  I you pay three bucks for a burger- keep your expectations low.  I've always felt there is an unwritten mathematical formula showing the relationship between the money you spend (or intend to spend) and the service/quality received.

It's probably something like:

y + z + q = 3x + 1t + 5i


y = Level of Service

z = Speed of Service

q= Quality

x= Money spent

t= time of interaction

i= Importance of service received (i.e. auto repairs versus buying a sweater)

So what are the unspoken guidelines?  Well, for anyone who has taken an economics class, each individual has their own price points and expectations.  But here at the Curve Zone we decided to give you a guide:

1. Free- Quit yer whining, you get what you pay for pansy.  

2. $.01- $1.00- The object or service in question should not kill you, cause you violent illness or other bodily harm.

3. $1.01-$10- The staff takes your money, gets things done in a semi-reasonable speed, and does not openly insult you.

4. $10+- You are served in a timely fashion and at the end of your purchase, someone thanks you in a generic fashion 

5. $40 +- They smile at you when they thank you.  If you have a question about the product or service it is answered. 

6. $100+- If something goes wrong with your product or service someone helps you.  Service is swift and friendly. 

7. $150+- Things should work.  Delivery should be on the time promised. 

8. $200+- If given your name, they should address you by it.  Even if they cannot meet every request- they should listen to what you would like and do what they can. 

9. $500+ - Your money is very nice, your money you should be treated with respect. 

10. $1,000 + - No matter what you actually look like, when you spend over a thousand dollars, you are automatically good looking to the staff. 

11. $5,000 + - You get a Tiara if you want one, dammit. 

12. $10,000 + - Your eccentricities should be embraced as though they were the norm

13. $50,000 + - A "B-list" Celebrity should be thrown in for good measure.  Anyone currently having a show in Branson counts. 

14. $100,000 + - Bow before me puny mortals

15. $1,000,000 + - It should include a live performance by Rick Astley. 

16. $1,000,000,000 + - Chuck Norris should personally deliver the service or good.

17. $1,000,000,000,000 + - "Excuse me Miss, could you Gift Wrap this Australia?" 

P.S. I've always wanted a Shiny new Australia.