Episode Thirty Seven: Bridal Madness

Here at the Curve Zone we generally try to keep it PG.  Our intent is not to scar our readership for life, so we ask that if you are weak of stomach, have a fragile psyche, or- most importantly, have an irrational fear of supermodels... please do not continue reading this post.  Within today's discussion are photos from real advertisements- photos which may haunt your dreams.  When we say Supermodels some may think "Yay!  Supermodels",

Yay Pretty! (Source Allure Bridal, this is an example of a gorgeous model, a gorgeous dress, and a great photo layout)

but something went wrong in these ads... something went terribly wrong.

You've been warned.

Being the only girl of four kids there was no doubt when my fiance popped the question that we would have a full fledged wedding.  Planning a wedding has definitely channeled my love of challenge.  However, Bridal Land can be a scary place.  Wedding dresses are the only garments I have ever seen that stand upright when you take them off.  There are plenty of beautiful dresses out there, plenty of gorgeous models, and several talented photographers.  Yet, even professional grade photographs posted on the official sites and dealers of major Bridal Gown designers... there are some photographs that perplex, confuse, and frighten.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS BRIDAL MADNESS!

I opened with the pretty photograph from Allure Bridal to illustrate that there are some excellent shots out there.  I'd say about 97% of the pictures feature healthy models and skilled shots.  Here are the other 3% in order of increasing horror.

Source: David's Bridal, Vera Wang Collection

Vera Wang is a designer with a reputation powerful enough to start a cult amongst fashion enthusiasts.  However, this photo has a glaring mistake which diminishes its power as an advertisement.  Have you caught it?  The pose and angle make it impossible to see the skirt and any details on it.  I honestly don't know what this dress looks like, is it pretty?

The model seems like she is a very lovely young lady, but aside from a less than stellar coif, her expression lacks enthusiasm in most of the photos she appears in.

Do I -have- to get Married? (Source: David's Bridal Vera Wang Collection)

The pose is an improvement, you can see the exquisite cut of the skirt.  Yet, there is something unintentionally humorous about the model's overflowing excitement.  Yes, she wants to spend her life with her groom- the love of her life.  Yay Monotony Matrimony!  Upside: they can reuse  the photo for an advertisement for Snickers. "Wedding got you drained? Grab a Snickers!" 

Let's try a different website, a different designer, maybe we can have better luck.  

Source: Allure Bridal Website

Um... ok.  Well then... uh... That pose looks kind of uncomfortable... Maybe she was trying a dance move from the 1970s?  I'm sure it's just that photo, I'm sure that model has a better pose in her other photos.

Source: Allure Bridal Website

OH GOD DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOO!  IT HAS MANIFESTED FROM THE REALM OF MY NIGHTMARES AND SEEKS TO EAT MY FACE.  RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......