Episode Thirty Six: Letting People In

Forgive the absence of posts over the last week- between some spring cleaning and the unexpected passing of my cousin, there's been a lot to do and think about.  

I had been debating between writing something comical or writing something of substance.  The end result was to try to brave being more honest and open for an entry.  Blogging has been much more challenging than I anticipated in that blogs are online for anyone to see- and yet, to write our best we must look deep within ourselves.  

The art of writing is searching for answers and braving your heart upon the page.  You may write about fictional characters, but to breathe life into your characters you must draw from those around you.  It may not be the intent to borrow from life- but a friend's smile, an enemy's humorless joke, it influences your story.  To earnestly reach your reader and draw them into the world in your words you must touch a part of their heart, mind, or soul.  Such exposure has been easy for me working on a novel- I can contain my audience until the book is ready for publication.  My blog, in contrast, is the equivalent of having all my secrets pour out for the world- and often unfriendly eyes.

It takes courage to truly be yourself, and to stand by the things which you believe in.  We live in an age where everyone is always talking about their lives, their thoughts, hell, even their breakfast, and yet, so seldom do we really allow ourselves to truly come into view with the world.  Part of our caution is common sense.  Everyone, and I do mean everyone, sees Facebook.  As best we may try with privacy settings, our statuses, notes, and pictures can be viewed by the wrong eyes.  Sometimes a little discretion is a good thing- but at times we live in a state of paranoia about vocalizing our true feelings.  Politics is a prime example.  There are people who will post their every political opinion very loudly online- but there are several friends and family members who will shy away from disagreeing openly about a topic in which they have a dissenting opinion.  We can tell our friends that we had fruit loops for breakfast, but we cannot show them our pensive side.  

Letting people in is not a matter of how many friends you have, the number of text messages or calls you place, or how often you meet up with others at the bar.  To love is to sacrifice, but also to maintain healthy boundaries.  It takes wisdom to know when to give and when to take- when to stand your ground and when to bend.  It is hard showing people who you really are, but as much as being rejected for who you are hurts- it is always worth it when you find those who love you for who you are.  You can be well liked wearing a mask, but at the end of the day people are in love with the charade, not with who you really are.  

  I have a very hard time letting people in.  I like to act silly and play the role of the jester.  I have always been fascinated by Polonius from Hamlet.  Many people think of Polonius as a dolt, and let's face it, the man does get stabbed through a curtain.  However, he said some of the most famous lines from the Bard, "Neither a borrower or a lender be" and "to thine own self be true".  The wise-fool has always been my inspiration.  I have also found that many people mistake levity for ignorance, when being silly and being intelligent are hardly mutually exclusive.  Intelligence without wisdom is a gift lost.  I act silly so I need not waste time with people who are so sure of their superior intellect that they don't know how to laugh.  Unfortunately, it's hard letting go of the silliness at times once I've filtered out the people I don't want to deal with.  

I've dedicated my life to studying people, to trying to help those around me, to listening and to being supportive.  If I could have one super power, all joking aside, it would be the power to heal others.  I have a deep desire to bring happiness and relief to those around me.  Yet, in the last few years I've built up some walls within- shutting people out.  I ran into some people who seemed consumed by greed and selfishness, and it shook much of my faith in humanity.  I've known a lot of amazing people in my life, but it broke my heart to see that there are still those ruled by vanity.  It's hard finding the strength to let people into your life when you're afraid of disappointment.  Yet, I realized that if I kept on building walls then no progress could be made.  

There are those who point out that one person cannot change the world.  While no one person can erase all the selfishness and hatred in the world, we all have the power to make a difference, even a tiny one.  I realized I couldn't become a puppet to my own disillusionment, but rather find the emotional endurance to let people back in.  If I can touch one single life and help another person in my lifetime, then truly that is the most amazing accomplishment I can do.

(And if me being serious made you uncomfortable, a comic on the topic of politics)

Sometimes the Left and the Right are United by Common Experiences.