Episode Sixty: Harry Potter- Kind of Like Batman meets Jane Eyre

So I was treated to a midnight showing of the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows part two.  After I graduated last summer I finally had time to sit down and read the series.  While the six hour wait wasn't particularly fun, there were some definite perks going on opening night in the US.  For example, a girl dressed up as Bellatrix offering people cupcakes shaped like cauldrons- too adorable.  It was fun hearing everyone laugh and cry at all the same scenes.  Yet, a few months ago I found myself realizing another British orphan who pre-dates Harry, and a few weeks ago my fiance and I realized the famous near-sighted wizard has a lot in common with another fictional icon- Batman.

Batman, Jane Eyre, and Harry Potter, perhaps three of the world's best fictitious orphans.  Now some may argue- why am I roping Jane into the  mix.  I happened to be re-reading the first chapters of Jane Eyre when I realized how much Jane's experience living with the Reeds set the stage for Harry's life with the Dursleys.  Jane and Harry both live in the heart of misery.  They both lost their parents as infants and live with an insufferable Aunt who hates them for just being them.  They're both considered odd by their overly conventional relatives, and both have a male cousin that bullies them.  They're second class citizens and then early in their story they're shipped off to boarding school.  The similarities generally end there- Hogwarts is made of awesome and Lowood, well, you'd be better off in most prisons than Lowood.

However the real parallel comes down to Harry and Batman.  Their stories continually pull back to the same hook- their parents were murdered and they want justice for their parents.  Both have inherited a pretty sum of money- you take your pick whether you prefer a vault of gold at Grignotts or stock in Wayne Enterprises.  And let's face it, the more you think of the parallels to Harry and Bruce Wayne, the more it all sort of clicks.  Ron, unfortunately for him, is a lot like Robin.  There's also the wise mentor in Alfred the Butler and Dumbledore. 

The reason I say Harry is like Jane Eyre meets Batman is because, Harry has all of Batman's angst but ultimately finds his peace.  Now I'm sure a comic book aficionado would have some case to argue that Batman eventually finds happiness- but generally Bruce Wayne is the ultimate loner.  Sure, he has girlfriends (briefly), various young boys as Robin (does he recruit from a van with candy?), and of course, his Butler/Confidante.  None the less, the theme of Harry Potter is that Harry ultimately finds his strength from those around him.  It always comes back to Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione, to his relationships with his mentors (Sirius, Albus, Remus, Hagrid), and he does have his peace despite being hunted by a sociopath-wizard for 17ish years.  In that respect Harry pulls a Jane Eyre.  Jane Eyre has had a horrible life full of loneliness and adversity- but in the end she has a family, friends, and a husband who is her mental equal. 

Episode Fifty Nine: The Business to Get In?

The other day I ran into a woman at work who was ranting because Blockbuster did not have "Meet Me in Saint Louis" (And no, I don't work at Blockbuster or any other video rental place).  Then she asked me what place in the area would have that video available to rent that night.  I told her most of the video stores went under, and I was relatively new to town- so I did not know of a place.  I said she could check Redbox, but mostly Redbox carries new releases, but she could look on Netflix to see if it was on instant queue.  She continued to ask me again if there were any stores in the area and launched onto a rant about video stores. She ended the rant with "Video Rental, that's the business to get in"- and she didn't mean that angrily or facetiously, she was serious.

I realize it's frustrating when you can't find something you're looking for.  However, I believe this instance, while really more of my average Monday at work, explains multiple problems I have with our current culture.


1. We are obsessed with Self-Gratification: if we cannot get what we want when we want it, we feel wronged instead of recognizing the situation for what it is- a moderate inconvenience.

2. We think that if we keep asking the same person the same question that "I don't know" will eventually turn into a magical answer that solves our problems

3. We hate change and will tout the superiority of a more costly and poorly organized institution because we aren't ready to try something new. 

4. We have delusions that if something falls into our personal whimsy that it must surely be profitable.

And number 4 takes us home.  It goes without saying why you can't find video rental stores anymore.  Instant streaming is genius, it takes out the cost of a traditional store (staff, building leases, insurance for the store, tangible inventory) and puts in a convenient system to watch movies and television from home.  There is a reason movie rental places went out of business.  However, I suppose if you want to take your life savings and use them to fund such an ill conceived business venture, go for it- it is your money. Myself, I think I'll keep an open mind and peruse the selections on Netflix instant queue, my fiance and I have found some unexpected new favorites that way. 

Episode Fifty Eight: Christianity, I'm taking it Back.

(*Taking it back is an expression used to sometimes describe the act of reclaiming a fashion, or, for the purpose of this post, a religion)

As an active Christian I hate to admit it, but more often than not, I am embarrassed by how Christians are represented to the rest of world.  It's not just that certain people waving the banner of Christianity are depicting Christians as anti-science, irrational, and anti-progress, but more importantly that our faith is being represented as hateful and judgmental.  The problem is worse than that- the modern Christian is so consumed by politics and hot button issues that the questions of day to day living are ignored.  This is not to say that Christian shouldn't be debating the major issues- but we are forgetting to address the challenges in our daily lives. 

As someone under the age of thirty I'm distressed at the low church attendance by people in my age group.  While one could argue my generation is going to hell, I prefer to question how my generation perceives Christianity.  I've made it a point to have friends of various faiths.  I've had some Christian friends argue that this is a massive faux-pas.  However, Jesus didn't spend the majority of his time with rabbis- he befriended tax collectors and prostitutes.  This is not an excuse for any misguided Christians to start preaching at the local strip club.  Sorry.  The point is, after talking to non-Christians the majority of complaints have nothing to do with a dislike of Jesus or the core virtues of Christianity. More often than not, non-Christians dislike hypocrisy and intolerance displayed by certain Christians.

Let's face it, the crusades, the Salem witch trials, the Spanish inquisition- we do have a lot of less-than-admirable moments in our history as a major branch of religion.  We're not taking the beam out of our eye before mentioning the speck in our brother's eye, as the bible tells us to do.  Christ, it is often said, is love.  Why then are so many Christians insisting on being champions of hate?  We've forgotten how important the virtues of forgiveness and charity are. 

The problem, however, is not Christianity.  "Do onto others as you would have done onto you" is hardly the philosophy of intolerance.  There are also plenty of Christians out there in the world who still love, and who are progressive and intelligent.  There are plenty of Christians out there who are friends with agnostics, pagans, Buddhists, Muslims, and yes, even atheists.  Our task is to take back Christianity as the religion of love and forgiveness.  We must begin to live our lives by example.  Let's drive a little friendlier on the road Christians.  Let your charity not be limited to people of the same denomination or church.  Non-Christians learn about the love of Christ through our actions. 

As the title of this post implies, it's time to take back Christianity.  Let's reclaim it and make it our own again. 

Episode Fifty Seven: The One thing I truly Loathe.

Now I try to keep the Curve Zone clean of hatred and ill will.  I don't want this to be some shrine of ranting or complaining.  It's easy to blog angry- too easy.  Blogging angry seldom achieves anything.  However, I'm tired and won't be posting anything relevant for at least 12 hours.  So it's time for me to admit a long-standing hatred I have.   There is only one thing in the universe I truly hate.

Blood suckers.

Alright, and before I get ripped limb by limb by Twihards, I'm not talking about your disco-ball teen-romances.  Vampires have, if nothing else, given us an amusing array of fiction as well as spread hilariously awful paranoia regarding the red cross.

I'm talking about Mosquitoes, those little, parasitic sons of [censored].  It's actually been a better summer for me this year, but I am always the person they bite the most and my skin breaks out worse than most people.  However, I know they're out there, and like a gritty old hero of a western movie I sit in vigilance for the day I can end their menace to my world. 

Mosquitoes think they can just fly into our country and take our blood and not pay taxes.  I say no more.  Armed with my narrow minded intolerance and my fly swatter I'll be waiting this summer Mosquitoes. 
 

Episode Fifty Six: We're Back and Crafty!

So after the bus broke down 30 miles outside of Denver and I sat tensely for fear that the irate passengers may disembowel our driver, well, I had a renewed passion for writing.  That was my trip to Oregon for my brother's graduation.  And if you're wondering, I did not fail to copy/paste the whole story.  Eventually I will write a post chronicling the horror that was my first bus trip across the United States.  Until then you have the information you need to know readers.

Instead of leading off with the soul searching I did over the past week- I will take the humorous route to revive the Curve Zone. 

When I heard about Newt Gingrinch getting "glittered" by a protester a couple of weeks ago I was inspired.  I try not to get into politics in the Curve Zone.  However, I couldn't help but think that Political Pundits would be made better through arts and crafts.  So I unveil to you, poor readers, Pundits and Crafts.

 

First- Bill O'Reilly.  O'Reilly's staring gaze is part of his drive as a media personality, so I thought "hmm, he needs Googly eyes!". 

Next, Hillary Clinton, whom I decided needed the fun and jazz of craft feathers and a gold star upon her cheek.  The brightly colored craft feathers add a touch of color and whimsy to the former first lady.

While we're on the topic of women in Politics, I decided to give Ann Coulter yarn hair.  Coulter's straight blond hair drains the color away from her face, it is uninspired.  Thanks to the rainbow of colors offered in craft yarn we were able to give Coulter a new, friendly look. 

The last craft project I decided to keep a reference pic on bottom.  Hate his movies or love them, you have to admit there is something familiar about the way Michael Moore looks.  Using felt swatches and craft hair we are able to construct, you guessed it, a Michael Moore Muppet.  If you don't know what a Muppet is, well, look up Kermit the frog on Wikipedia. 

I entreat you to try your own Pundits and Crafts :)

Episode Fifty Five: Question and Answer Session- Feedback Needed

Howdy!

To help promote the sister blog "Accidentally Heroic" and help reboot the "Curve Zone" I would like to do a broadcast Q and A (Question and Answer) session.  I'm going to try to borrow my fiance's laptop which has a webcam.  If you have any questions for the Curve Zone or Accidentally Heroic please post them in the comment section.  If your question is deemed appropriate, I'll answer it via video.  While there's nothing scarier than the sight of my face- it will haunt your dreams forever (you've been warned), I thought this would be a great chance to reach out to the readers.

Much Love,

-'Cutio-

Episode Fifty Four: A Generation of Humor

Forgive the absence from both Accidentally Heroic and Curve Zone- aside from an advertising issue I've been a little under the weather.  And by a little under the weather I mean I've been so sick I've been losing more weight than I did when I had food poisoning a few months back.  So- if there is not a speedy recovery eventually "The Curve Zone" will become the "Straight and Narrow".  Best weight loss plan ever.

And yes, I am being melodramatic- though I have been sick and too fogged up on fevers to write much. 

I'd been mulling something over for quite some time now.  At first I considered it a personal issue- often expressing myself through humor instead of sitting down and talking about things seriously.  Then I realized that many people in my age demographic do the same thing.  We don't like to talk about the hard issues unless we're buffering our conversation with jokes or facetious statements. 

I see the generation gap at work constantly.  Many people think that people in the Gen Y category don't care because we hide behind the shield of "LOL".  We may seem oblivious- tethered to our iPods, showing a lack of enthusiasm for voting, etc.  The truth is beneath our cavalier demeanor is a wealth of pain and acute awareness of the myriad of problems plaguing our country and planet. 

We grew up on "Captain Planet" the guy who pumped us full of concern about the environment.  We might have even cried a bit watching "Fern Gully" as kids- just a bit.  Not long after we could drive did Gas prices start going up- but Hybrids, not exactly in our budget.  As soon as the ink was dry on our college degrees, the economy was in the toilet.  As hard as it is being downsized after 20 years of loyal service, at least you experienced 20 years having a job you could feel proud of.  Many in our generation have excelled at school, worked hard at low level jobs- and never once had a taste of a real career.  Doors slam in our face.  I see more job postings for 5-10 years experience on Career Builder.  If you're under the age of 30- chances are you don't have 5-10 years in position higher than Stock Boy or Waitress. 

We watched our parents get laid off, we watched the twin towers crumble, we listened to news of the Enron scandal, just like you, we were there witnessing the chaos of the world around us.  We were not blind and deaf as you may have thought us to be.  But we were young, and our hearts were crushed before we were old enough to purchase alcohol.   

Every generation adapts its own style, its own signature.  Our generation is the one that laughs when we want to cry.  At times our humor is indeed inappropriate- but it is how we cope with the darkness we perceive around us.  Humor is how you get us to open up about the things we care about.  Through the sounds of our laughter you can almost hear the faint whimpers of our cries- our cries for justice, cries for change, and cries for hope. 

Humor is our adaptation to the challenges of our environment.  

Episode Fifty Three: The Sanctuary in My Home

When my fiance and I started apartment hunting we originally thought of getting a two bedroom.  Amid other features that had us fall in love with our current apartment, there was the den.  Our apartment is labeled a "one bedroom with den", in which we pay a lower rent but have a mythical space tucked away at the front of the apartment.  There isn't a door- but it doesn't matter, the moment you enter the den you are submersed into the loving arms of tranquility.

Unfortunately it wasn't until our den started flooding due to the excessive rain that we remembered it was there.  It had become, the storage room.  The flooding was a blessing in disguise- we have a benevolent landlord who fixes everything quick and never gives us grief.  So they sent in the carpet cleaners and we had to haul all the storage tubs and boxes out of the den.  Fresh carpet later, I stepped into the room to remember the vast potential of the haven before me.

Due to the death of the laptop I moved my desktop into the living room.  I am seriously considering if I can pick up any free or cheap furniture on Craig's list for the den.  I yearn to transform the wondrous space before me into a sanctuary.


I'd love your feedback on what you would do with your own sanctuary and if you have a place in your home where you can relax and escape.

Have I mentioned my love of tropical beaches?

Episode Fifty Two: Taking Risks

Howdy Curve Zone readers near and far.  Today I wanted to share an anecdote about the Odyssey in which I started taking risks.  For the first twenty-ish years of my life I had tried to do everything perfect.  I got amazing grades in school, I never got into any sort of trouble, and I pursued the career goals that I felt others expected of me.  I was working on a Masters in Counseling, working a crappy job in a mandatory union, etc.  One night I met up with my friend Jared to hit up Denny's- I had late classes and shifts at work, so being out at 2 am was my norm.  We got pulled over by a police officer who proceeded to harass us.  I should note there are plenty of amazing police officers out there who are good people who work hard without thanks.  However, there I was, a model citizen getting harassed like a common criminal by this figure of authority.

Then I thought "Screw it."

It was weird, but something just sort of snapped that night.  I decided then that living my life the way that made other people happy was getting me no-where.  It took a few months to get the courage, but I left the masters program I was in- ignoring great grades and the money wasted.  The next thing I knew I was moving to a strange town where I didn't have a support network, a job, or a clue to enroll in a new graduate program.  I met the love of my life, some amazing friends, and got my Masters.

By far it was the worst financial decision I ever made- there are plenty of people who would argue that it was a bad decision on that basis alone.  Sometimes we have to leap though, sometimes we need to take a chance.  There are bumps and bruises along the way- but making a mistake doesn't have to be the end of the world.  We, as in humanity, are consumed by the concept of making the "right" decisions.

I've always loved the song "Get Here" by Oleta Adams (Youtube it if you don't know it).  Lyrically it's very simple, I mean she's just listing modes of transport for three minutes, but the way she sings it with so much conviction and passion makes the song.  The message of the song is relevant.  It's not how we get there- it's that we get there.  Sometimes I wish I had more money- but then I remember all the blessings I have that other people do not. 

Episode Fifty One: Goodnight Sweet Prints

It has been a year of loss from my friend, my aunt, my cousin, and my fiance's grandmother.  Now it is time to mourn the loss of machine as well.  I stand here to declare the time of death on my laptop- handed down to me by my fiance.  After six years a pinched wire in the screen has caused the visual display to become unpredictable at best. 

Updates of the Curve Zone and Accidentally Heroic may be slightly, but not greatly delayed.

While it was a computer, not a printer, I dare to say "Goodnight sweet prints"

Episode Fifty: 50th Episode Spectacular- How to Deal with Exes

In honor of our 50th episode we have a crudely drawn Hamster with a Cupcake on his back. 

Today's topic doesn't relate to the 50th post (sorry!), but it was one that came to mind.  Today's topic is everyone's favorite subject, exes!

Now I haven't run into any of my exes recently (thankfully) and the ones I have seen/talked to in the past year have all been gentlemen with whom I was on good terms.  However, I realized when my mom was talking about how she dreaded going to her school reunion because she'd run into my dad, I realized most people do have at least one ex they'd like to avoid. 


How to Handle Exes:

How to handle your ex is centered around what sort of relationship you want to have with that person.  Do you want to be a part of this person's life or would you rather they lived on Pluto?  It is possible for exes to be friends, but it's also natural to not want to associate with your exes. 

Unfriendly Exes

Don't want to associate with your ex?  Sometimes you have to because you have children together, work together, or due to mutual friends and other loved ones.  If you dislike your ex and don't have to interact with them- then don't.  It's as simple as that.  You don't need to follow them on facebook, twitter, My Space why would you even have a My Space? a digital purge is the best first step.

Here are some tips:

1. "But what if they're talking bad about me?"  The Answer: So what?  It is a disappointing fact of life that someone, somewhere, sometime will speak ill of you.  People who love you, the ones who matter, won't pay heed.  The only time it is a problem is if children are involved- at which time you're better off speaking to a professional rather than confronting your ex. 

2. "I want to avoid them, but what about the wedding/funeral of a mutual friend or when we're dropping off/picking up the kids?"  The Answer: Be professional and aloof.  If you don't like someone, ex, coworker, client, etc- your best bet is to be professional.  Keep your interaction to the business at hand.  Don't be snide, mean, or nasty- just be neutral.  You don't have to be nice, just don't be confrontational. 

3. "What if I see them with another person?"  The Answer: If you really don't like this person let it be someone else's problem.  Don't set out to "save" the next person.  If it bothers you, well, you may have unresolved feelings, but your best bet is to be courteous.  If you hate that your ex has moved on and you haven't don't worry- your time will come. 

Friendly Exes:

I can't really do this topic justice in one post, so I will keep to the basics.  I do recommend reading "He's Just Not that Into You" if you are struggling with this topic.  As harsh as the title may sound it is actually filled with many positive points, many affirmations of worth.  Some of the advice is simplistic- but it has a sturdy foundation. 

If you're still in love with your ex it boils down to two outcomes: you get back together or you do not get back together.  If you truly had that one in a million, cannot be replaced, absolutely meant to be together love, then eventually you will find your way back to one another.  Sometimes people just need time to grow on their own.  Most often it isn't meant to be.  The good news is the remedy for both situations is the same: space and time.  Either you need time to grow or you need time to realize that your ex wasn't really the right one. 

In the Meantime here's what you do:

1.  Be nice, be very nice, but never break boundaries.  Your goal is to be desirable but ever-unobtainable.  Be sweet, funny, and all the wonderful things about you they fell in love with.  But, never, ever give your ex more than friendship. Don't sleep with them, don't kiss them, don't date them- just be the Aphrodite or Adonis that you are, ever out of arm's reach.  Don't be the one yearning away- be the one yearned for. 

2. Learn to Let Go: If you truly love the other person then you must accept that the next man/woman may be better for them than you.  This is an ego blow, but don't let it get to you.  If your ex would put someone ahead of you they're not worth it.  You deserve someone who would never settle for anyone but you.  Let your ex and their new love interest go.  If the new fling is bad for your ex, they will eventually figure it out.  Let them make their own mistakes.  If the new fling is good for your ex, you don't want to be the sort of person who breaks two people up. 

3. Find You.  Even in a healthy, happy relationship it is easy to lose sight of who you are.  You may simply lack the time to do certain things you loved to do.  Rediscover your self- your hobbies, your sense of adventure, your personality.  The happier you are with yourself the easier it will be to handle your ex. 

4. When you're ready, move on. 

But please, be cautious of internet dating...

Episode Forty Nine: Hats and Writer's Frock

Hats:

There has been some interest in the number of hats featured in the royal wedding.

To that I say:

I admit, sometimes it's just fun to see where a pencil takes you.

As for the rest of my post- I wanted to give a shout out to someone who (unlike me) can actually draw.

Webcomic with fun portals.

Now let's hope she'll start updating now that I've pointed some readers in her direction :)

Writer's Frock:

I'm not going to call it Writer's Block, because that is not what is happening to me.  I shall dub it "Writers Frock".  I apologize I haven't had a nice, strong post in the Curve Zone recently.  I've been struggling with picking a topic to write about.  I call it Writer's Frock because it is a bit like trying to pick out an ensemble to wear on a date.  You rummage through the closet and can't find anything that is quite what you're looking for.  There are things you could wear, yes, but nothing leads to the goal you desire.  Writer's Frock is when you sit down at the keyboard, start writing, and keep erasing what you write.  Nothing really seems to come out the way you want or make the impact you need to make.  Your words seemed outdated, overused, or plain.

Metaphor, the unceasing cure for Writer's Frock :)

This one is what happens when I start splicing photographs together in MS Paint.

Episode Forty Eight: Next time, read the news- then blog.

The last post was written before reading the news.  So, in lieu of Part Two, which I would have made a joke about the President being a Bond-style Super Villain, I have crudely drawn art.

 

People are pretty charged about the news that Osama Bin Laden is dead- understandably so.  If the story is true, well I hope we will create a new national holiday and give it a snazzy name like "Revenge Day", however my fiance insists if a holiday is made it will have a very corny name.  So I'm thinking something lame like "Patriot Day", "Justice Day", or the completely vague "American Day". 

p.s. I may start sketching things in the notebook and scanning them in as such.  The crudeness of the lines and spiral binding is a pretty nifty effect.

Episode Forty Seven: The Blame Game (Part 1)

Today's post is broken into two parts on account of me needing enough time to set forth with a pencil, a sharpee, and MS Paint to make some decent art. 

Trolling is quite entertaining, but now and then- people are serious.  One of the most interesting phenomena I have seen has been the "blame Obama" tactic. Actually, before Obama, President Bush was also getting blamed for many things.  Regardless of your political leanings, some of the things blamed on the President are so out there, they are humorous. 


As a result I decided to come up with  some of my own "Blame Obama" statements:

1. Obama is the reason fried food makes you fat
2. Obama stole the sock you're now missing
3. Obama made Mount Vesuvius erupt and destroy Pompeii
4. Obama was behind the Watergate Scandal
5. Obama is the reason Justin Bieber is a star.
6. Obama is the reason the Dinosaurs are Gone
7. Obama is the reason Popcorn costs $10 at the Movie Theater
8. Obama is the reason your wife left you. 
9. Obama assassinated President Lincoln. 
10. Obama made Ugg Boots a fashion statement. 
11. Obama killed Dumbledore
12. Obama gave you spoilers to the Sixth Sense
13. Obama is why low-fat yogurt tastes so bad
14. Obama is the reason Batman's parents are dead
15. Obama invented My Space
16. Obama is the reason Bieber sounds like a Girl
17. Obama killed Mr. Body in the Library with the Candlestick
18. Obama is the reason Hipsters drink PBR ("ironically") 
19. Obama is the reason Lifetime Movies are Sub par
20. Obama cast Topher Grace as Venom

So the next time you find your favorite discussion thread has been overrun by political bickering- derail the tension by blaming the destruction of Planet Krypton on Obama. 

Episode Forty Six: Pragmatism and Idealism

Living in a recession many of us have watched as dreams have deferred and even died.  We've made sacrifices that were hard, and even if we've had steady jobs- we've known someone who has struggled with unemployment or underemployment.  Today I was turning at a stop light and I saw a woman on the corner with a sign that said "struggling to survive, please help".  It was as though I had heard the voice of all those around us.

In times of economic and environmental trouble we cannot simply cling to idealism.  Being pragmatic is pivotal to survival.  Yet, if we deny every ideal for the sake of survival, what have we lost?  Some ideals help us leave survival mode and progress to getting ahead in life.  Beauty, art, passion, and philosophy can coexist with poverty and strife.  While sometimes we must sacrifice our dreams- there are times we can only truly find them when all other things are at their bleakest.


It takes a small degree of idealism to see the hope and the opportunity in times of trouble.  Life is hard, there is no denying that.  But when you can transform setbacks into opportunities- you become your strongest. 

Just because you cannot see a reason for hope does not mean it isn't there. 

I leave with an interesting little trick, a demonstration of sorts.  Find a clear bic pen, the sort with edges instead of a smooth cylinder.  The best time to do it is during the morning light- stand the pen up on a table, hold it there and try to catch the light.  When you angle it just right the light will shine through the plastic of the pen, fracturing into tiny rays of light on the surface.  Only at a certain angle and with certain lighting can you do it- but when you do it is pretty spiffy.  You can't always see the light shining from the pen, but like hope- when the conditions are just right you can find it. 

Episode Forty Five: Really Makes you Wonder.

Listening to various bands you get a feel for a particular sound or theme adopted by the band.  Awhile ago Maroon 5 was playing on the radio and it dawned on me how many of their songs include lyrics about sex.  Not just sex, but lyrics which in some way or form boast the mad sex skillz (yes, skillz with a z!) of the singer.  So naturally the lyrics "pleasure that made you cry" gave me the mental image of lead singer Adam Levine with an underwhelmed companion.   

It's tragically humorous, but more often than not, we make small lies to protect other people's feelings.  A guy I was dating many years ago gave me a piece of jewelry which was super gaudy, and not at all my taste.  However, I didn't want to hurt his feelings (the item had belonged to his mother- a relic of her divorce) so I wore it.  The real humor began when all my friends said it was lovely, even when I told them I thought it was hideous.  Thankfully, there was a good laugh to be had when the guy and I broke up.  At last all my friends admitted it was a very ugly ring. 

So, to bring it all back to Maroon Five- "It really makes you wonder", as the song goes.  So today's thought is how we can be honest without being tactless.  Small lies may seem good at the time to avoid hurting other people's feelings- but ultimately, it prevents the push we need to improve.  Should you pull a Simon Cowell on someone?  No.  Few people are clever enough to pull that off.  Just maybe practice the delicate art of constructive criticism- otherwise someday your ex may be writing songs about how good he was in bed. 

Episode Forty Four: The Launch

Dear readers,

Forgive the lag between posts.  Between Easter and a new project, there hasn't been much in the way of spare time.  I've been working on the layout of- Accidentally Heroic, the upcoming sister site to the Curve Zone.  Accidentally Heroic is the project mentioned in "Back in the Saddle".   Accidentally Heroic is a blog where I will be posting a story with the working title of Les Feuilles Mortes.  Les Feuilles Mortes is a tender homage to a beautiful poem by French surrealist Jacques Prevert.  The poem is a powerful clue into one of the central themes of the story- but be forewarned that to understand the clue you will need an accurate translation of the poem.  The title of the poem- Feuilles Mortes, literally translates to "Dead Leaves", however, it is often translated as "Autumn Leaves".

So what does a story about Super Heroes have to do with a French poem?  The upcoming story is part contemporary, part comic book, and just a hint of noir.   

Although Les Feuilles Mortes is the working title of the piece- the blog is "Accidentally Heroic" for ease of search.  One of the defining moments of the Curve Zone was when I figured out the name for it.  Curve Zone was serendipitous- it wasn't registered, simple, and could reference a variety of themes.  Accidentally Heroic is much easier to spell and remember than Les Feuilles Mortes (At least here in the US). 

Estimated date of launch: 4/27/2011. 

Episode Forty Three: Passover and Easter

It's that time, Passover and Easter.  There is an overarching theme to be drawn from these two religious holidays.  Passover celebrates when God killed all the first born sons of Egypt, but passed over the houses of the Hebrews which had marked their doors accordingly.  The Jews decided then that Egypt wasn't nearly as glamorous as the brochures for the Luxor had led them to believe and made their exodus- only to have Moses listen to a faulty GPS for 40 years.  Easter celebrates the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, who got stabbed in the back by the worst bro ever, Judas.  The Romans crucified Christ, he was buried, and just like in soap operas- three days later Jesus came back for sweeps week followed by the fabulous pyrotechnics of the Holy Spirit. 

So to sum it up:

-Passover: Egyptians were jerks to the Jews, God killed the first born sons of the Egyptians and spared the Jews.

-Easter: A Jewish man is crucified and comes back from the dead- thus creating one of the largest religious groups, ever.

Moral of the story?  Don't mess with Jewish people.

But seriously, it is a beautiful time to reflect on the miracles around us.  As Winter fades into Spring up here in the Northern Hemisphere we are reminded of the themes of death and rebirth.  Death of Egyptians- Rebirth of the people of Israel as they went toward the promised land.  Death of Jesus- Rebirth of Jesus.  Persephone hangs out with her gloomy husband Hades for the Winter months, then hits the mall for a Girls' day with her mom Demeter in the Spring.  Gandalf the Gray falls into a hideous chasm- Gandalf the White rides back into town with a big ole' middle finger waving at Death.

I actually was just going to toss up this filler art, but you know...

 

Episode Forty Two: Back in the Saddle

*Quick note- for any readers who are not familiar with the phrase, "Back in the Saddle" is a way of saying that one is back at what they are good at, or are making a return to victory.

**I like using asterisks. 

After finishing the first draft of a novel I've had a lot of creative energy building up.  The editing process has been better than I thought- but it doesn't really satisfy the desire to create.  I am working on a side project- a story about super heroes which switches first person point of view between various characters of the cast.  I normally don't like writing in the first person when writing fiction- I'm more of a third person omniscient kind of writer- it's less restrictive.  However, working in first person has given this story a more gritty, human voice. 

Whereas my novel requires heavy editing and polishing in order to work toward formal publication, the side project will be presented in blog format.  This will accomplish a variety of goals- there will be a quicker turn-around time to receive reader feedback from a larger scope.  Before I would only have one or two trusted friends read my novel- leaking it online was too risky- therefore I have avoided posting synopsis and snippets to friends and family via facebook. 

I'm also a huge fan of unconventional publishing- thus, I have a blog.  With the rise of electronic books more authors should be working on making their writing accessible online.  The new project will be posted in a blog- updating regularly- and eventually I will make it available both in a digital download as well as a hard copy for the traditionalists.  Some may argue that people won't buy a book they can read for free online.  However, with a steady readership I can generate revenue from ads.  This will also hook in any possible readership for when I set out to publish my main novel. 

Even when things are free- people will still buy things if they like them enough.  Even though we can watch most movies whenever we want on Netflix- my fiance will still purchase the DVD of a movie if he really likes it.  I can read Jane Eyre for free anytime- it's both public domain and at the local library- but I own a copy because sometimes a girl needs to curl up with Charlotte Bronte and a cup of coffee. 

Nothing about this project is revolutionary- but it is keeping up with the flexibility writers have now.  I'm pretty excited, and I look forward to unveiling this project soon. 

Episode Forty One: The Disney Survival Guide

You open your eyes and everything is suddenly charming.  People break into song periodically and without reason.  The laws of physics have relaxed, and although you are sober- you could have sworn a dog just talked.  Remain calm, unfortunately you are not in the Twilight Zone- everything is far too bright and chipper.  You have entered, the Disney Zone.

We live in an age where there is a Zombie Survival Guide, but what do you do if you find yourself sucked into the Mouse's Dimension?  We've got some tips to keep you safe, to keep you happy, and to avoid awkward scuffles.

Princess/Prince

You will fall into this category if you're generally the most attractive of your friends and are always dreaming big.  The more impractical you are in our world, the more fortunate you will be in the Disney Universe.  If you find yourself in this universe you will essentially be immortal.  However, avoid suspicious old ladies, people with eyebrows that peak sharply (Jafar, Scar, Ursula, Frollo), and anybody with a really excessive laugh.  If you have a Step Parent get away from them as quick as possible. 

There are no errors in judgment in the Disney Universe.  If you love some handsome stranger it will all work out in the end- don't worry.  Even if characters which died in the original stories often had a happily ever after in the Disney Version. 

Most importantly, if someone you love is critically injured and on the verge of death- CRY.  Crying has magical healing powers and also summons Fairy Godmothers.  Chop some onions until everything resolves itself.  Kisses also break 90% of all curses.   

Woodland Creature

  If you are a dog, cat, raccoon, velociraptor, squirrel, etc- you fall into this category.  Also- thank you for being part of a very narrow non-human demographic of reader!  Thanks to Disney magic you can now talk.  However your good advice will often, if not always, be ignored by a persistent hero/heroine.  How to survive: suck up to the sweet and naive- avoid the temptation to join forces with any cunning villains.

Villain

You will fall into this category if you put your career above romance, if you sometimes hurt others in your ambition, or if you're unattractive but not humorous and/or stupid enough to qualify as "comic relief".

Acrophobia, or the fear of heights, is your new best friend.  When you stop and realize the sheer number of villains that died by falling off of a cliff (or struck down by other forces while on a cliff or other ledge)- Maleficent, The Queen from Snow White, Scar, Frollo, Hun Leader from Mulan, Cruella DeVil- the bottom line is just avoid high places.   Also, your uncontrolled egotism will always, always be your downfall (well, that or a cliff).  Learn to be ok with modest victories.  You don't have to be the fairest of them all- I mean, albino is soo last season.  No matter how smart you are and no matter how dumb your adversary- this universe works against you.  Keep your vices in check and try to catch the next train to Detroit. 

This post receives the "Who'd a Thunk?" seal of approval

Episode Forty: Suitable for Children

One of the shows I loved to watch as a kid was Animaniacs- it was quirky and didn't dumb things down.  One of the many segments that had me laughing up a storm was "Good Idea, Bad Idea" 





Based on that concept I got the idea to do a segment "Suitable for Children, Note Suitable for Children."

"Existentialism for Children" Always causes more tears than Toy Story 3, and that's a lot.

 

 

Mortality- who can forget the first time we realized Mufasa and Bambi's mom were dead?  Yet children more often than not are harbingers of unexpected wisdom.  I've always found it a bit tragic- the way we quest for answers when we are young but lose that thirst when we grow older.  Like the roots of a flower going deeper into the soil to find water, you can often see children digging for answers.  Somewhere along the way we get the impression that we know things- and we stop actively searching for new knowledge.  Maybe we're just overwhelmed and exhausted- there is too much to learn.  Or maybe, just maybe, we haven't embraced the spirit of humility in order to open our minds to new truths yet to be discovered. 

Episode Thirty Nine: Expectations

I believe thoroughly that my expectations of service should be based upon the level of money spent on the purchase.  I hate being behind that guy at McDonald's who is berating the staff because his hamburger wasn't super fresh.  I you pay three bucks for a burger- keep your expectations low.  I've always felt there is an unwritten mathematical formula showing the relationship between the money you spend (or intend to spend) and the service/quality received.

It's probably something like:

y + z + q = 3x + 1t + 5i


y = Level of Service

z = Speed of Service

q= Quality

x= Money spent

t= time of interaction

i= Importance of service received (i.e. auto repairs versus buying a sweater)

So what are the unspoken guidelines?  Well, for anyone who has taken an economics class, each individual has their own price points and expectations.  But here at the Curve Zone we decided to give you a guide:

1. Free- Quit yer whining, you get what you pay for pansy.  

2. $.01- $1.00- The object or service in question should not kill you, cause you violent illness or other bodily harm.

3. $1.01-$10- The staff takes your money, gets things done in a semi-reasonable speed, and does not openly insult you.

4. $10+- You are served in a timely fashion and at the end of your purchase, someone thanks you in a generic fashion 

5. $40 +- They smile at you when they thank you.  If you have a question about the product or service it is answered. 

6. $100+- If something goes wrong with your product or service someone helps you.  Service is swift and friendly. 

7. $150+- Things should work.  Delivery should be on the time promised. 

8. $200+- If given your name, they should address you by it.  Even if they cannot meet every request- they should listen to what you would like and do what they can. 

9. $500+ - Your money is very nice, your money you should be treated with respect. 

10. $1,000 + - No matter what you actually look like, when you spend over a thousand dollars, you are automatically good looking to the staff. 

11. $5,000 + - You get a Tiara if you want one, dammit. 

12. $10,000 + - Your eccentricities should be embraced as though they were the norm

13. $50,000 + - A "B-list" Celebrity should be thrown in for good measure.  Anyone currently having a show in Branson counts. 

14. $100,000 + - Bow before me puny mortals

15. $1,000,000 + - It should include a live performance by Rick Astley. 

16. $1,000,000,000 + - Chuck Norris should personally deliver the service or good.

17. $1,000,000,000,000 + - "Excuse me Miss, could you Gift Wrap this Australia?" 

P.S. I've always wanted a Shiny new Australia. 

Episode Thirty Eight: Know Thy Customer

This actually happened to my fiance and I when we were looking for apartments.  Apparently tanning booths are one of the amenities some apartment complexes are now offering.  I did feel bad, the girl showing us the complex was really friendly and enthusiastic but I had to make a silly comment when she started pushing the tanning as a benefit.  I looked back to my pinoy-American fiance and said "Now you can get all the tanning you want honey!"

Humor aside, it is a problem when sales pitches aren't amended when a certain feature clearly has no appeal to the customer.  Sales is difficult- you can't always know if people will like an on site laundry facility- or if they're more interested in free internet (I know, blasphemy right?  Free net should always triumph!)  However, it is important to listen and pick up on the big details.

I have seen many "great" sales people who have become over confident in their pitch- they honestly believe they can sell their product or service to anyone.  Not only does this antiquated notion of sales lead to sleazy salespeople- it is also inefficient.  Since graduating I've interviewed with various marketing firms- the majority of which were only a few months older than my degree.  Many of these firms believed in the flashy sales pitch with an almost religious zeal- each touting to have the best method.  At the end of the day they operated from an inefficient direct sales approach with a poorly guided customer base- in lay man's terms, they approached strangers to buy their products  In contrast, I have also interviewed with established firms.  The firms which had decades of history and led the way in their industries were better organized.  They tailored their products to the customers and focused on Businesses instead of individuals.  The end result?  They have the shiny nice office buildings, the recognition of peers, and won't be filing for bankruptcy a year from now.

The moral of the story: President Obama probably doesn't want any coupons for free tanning.

 

Episode Thirty Seven: Bridal Madness

Here at the Curve Zone we generally try to keep it PG.  Our intent is not to scar our readership for life, so we ask that if you are weak of stomach, have a fragile psyche, or- most importantly, have an irrational fear of supermodels... please do not continue reading this post.  Within today's discussion are photos from real advertisements- photos which may haunt your dreams.  When we say Supermodels some may think "Yay!  Supermodels",

Yay Pretty! (Source Allure Bridal, this is an example of a gorgeous model, a gorgeous dress, and a great photo layout)

but something went wrong in these ads... something went terribly wrong.

You've been warned.

Being the only girl of four kids there was no doubt when my fiance popped the question that we would have a full fledged wedding.  Planning a wedding has definitely channeled my love of challenge.  However, Bridal Land can be a scary place.  Wedding dresses are the only garments I have ever seen that stand upright when you take them off.  There are plenty of beautiful dresses out there, plenty of gorgeous models, and several talented photographers.  Yet, even professional grade photographs posted on the official sites and dealers of major Bridal Gown designers... there are some photographs that perplex, confuse, and frighten.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS BRIDAL MADNESS!

I opened with the pretty photograph from Allure Bridal to illustrate that there are some excellent shots out there.  I'd say about 97% of the pictures feature healthy models and skilled shots.  Here are the other 3% in order of increasing horror.

Source: David's Bridal, Vera Wang Collection

Vera Wang is a designer with a reputation powerful enough to start a cult amongst fashion enthusiasts.  However, this photo has a glaring mistake which diminishes its power as an advertisement.  Have you caught it?  The pose and angle make it impossible to see the skirt and any details on it.  I honestly don't know what this dress looks like, is it pretty?

The model seems like she is a very lovely young lady, but aside from a less than stellar coif, her expression lacks enthusiasm in most of the photos she appears in.

Do I -have- to get Married? (Source: David's Bridal Vera Wang Collection)

The pose is an improvement, you can see the exquisite cut of the skirt.  Yet, there is something unintentionally humorous about the model's overflowing excitement.  Yes, she wants to spend her life with her groom- the love of her life.  Yay Monotony Matrimony!  Upside: they can reuse  the photo for an advertisement for Snickers. "Wedding got you drained? Grab a Snickers!" 

Let's try a different website, a different designer, maybe we can have better luck.  

Source: Allure Bridal Website

Um... ok.  Well then... uh... That pose looks kind of uncomfortable... Maybe she was trying a dance move from the 1970s?  I'm sure it's just that photo, I'm sure that model has a better pose in her other photos.

Source: Allure Bridal Website

OH GOD DEAR GOD NOOOOOOOOO!  IT HAS MANIFESTED FROM THE REALM OF MY NIGHTMARES AND SEEKS TO EAT MY FACE.  RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

Episode Thirty Six: Letting People In

Forgive the absence of posts over the last week- between some spring cleaning and the unexpected passing of my cousin, there's been a lot to do and think about.  

I had been debating between writing something comical or writing something of substance.  The end result was to try to brave being more honest and open for an entry.  Blogging has been much more challenging than I anticipated in that blogs are online for anyone to see- and yet, to write our best we must look deep within ourselves.  

The art of writing is searching for answers and braving your heart upon the page.  You may write about fictional characters, but to breathe life into your characters you must draw from those around you.  It may not be the intent to borrow from life- but a friend's smile, an enemy's humorless joke, it influences your story.  To earnestly reach your reader and draw them into the world in your words you must touch a part of their heart, mind, or soul.  Such exposure has been easy for me working on a novel- I can contain my audience until the book is ready for publication.  My blog, in contrast, is the equivalent of having all my secrets pour out for the world- and often unfriendly eyes.

It takes courage to truly be yourself, and to stand by the things which you believe in.  We live in an age where everyone is always talking about their lives, their thoughts, hell, even their breakfast, and yet, so seldom do we really allow ourselves to truly come into view with the world.  Part of our caution is common sense.  Everyone, and I do mean everyone, sees Facebook.  As best we may try with privacy settings, our statuses, notes, and pictures can be viewed by the wrong eyes.  Sometimes a little discretion is a good thing- but at times we live in a state of paranoia about vocalizing our true feelings.  Politics is a prime example.  There are people who will post their every political opinion very loudly online- but there are several friends and family members who will shy away from disagreeing openly about a topic in which they have a dissenting opinion.  We can tell our friends that we had fruit loops for breakfast, but we cannot show them our pensive side.  

Letting people in is not a matter of how many friends you have, the number of text messages or calls you place, or how often you meet up with others at the bar.  To love is to sacrifice, but also to maintain healthy boundaries.  It takes wisdom to know when to give and when to take- when to stand your ground and when to bend.  It is hard showing people who you really are, but as much as being rejected for who you are hurts- it is always worth it when you find those who love you for who you are.  You can be well liked wearing a mask, but at the end of the day people are in love with the charade, not with who you really are.  

  I have a very hard time letting people in.  I like to act silly and play the role of the jester.  I have always been fascinated by Polonius from Hamlet.  Many people think of Polonius as a dolt, and let's face it, the man does get stabbed through a curtain.  However, he said some of the most famous lines from the Bard, "Neither a borrower or a lender be" and "to thine own self be true".  The wise-fool has always been my inspiration.  I have also found that many people mistake levity for ignorance, when being silly and being intelligent are hardly mutually exclusive.  Intelligence without wisdom is a gift lost.  I act silly so I need not waste time with people who are so sure of their superior intellect that they don't know how to laugh.  Unfortunately, it's hard letting go of the silliness at times once I've filtered out the people I don't want to deal with.  

I've dedicated my life to studying people, to trying to help those around me, to listening and to being supportive.  If I could have one super power, all joking aside, it would be the power to heal others.  I have a deep desire to bring happiness and relief to those around me.  Yet, in the last few years I've built up some walls within- shutting people out.  I ran into some people who seemed consumed by greed and selfishness, and it shook much of my faith in humanity.  I've known a lot of amazing people in my life, but it broke my heart to see that there are still those ruled by vanity.  It's hard finding the strength to let people into your life when you're afraid of disappointment.  Yet, I realized that if I kept on building walls then no progress could be made.  

There are those who point out that one person cannot change the world.  While no one person can erase all the selfishness and hatred in the world, we all have the power to make a difference, even a tiny one.  I realized I couldn't become a puppet to my own disillusionment, but rather find the emotional endurance to let people back in.  If I can touch one single life and help another person in my lifetime, then truly that is the most amazing accomplishment I can do.

(And if me being serious made you uncomfortable, a comic on the topic of politics)

Sometimes the Left and the Right are United by Common Experiences. 

Episode Thirty Five:Our Robot Overlords Part III

Today is the anticlimactic dramatic conclusion of our series on the Robot Apocalypse.  Killing Robots was the subject of part II, and part one explored the bureaucratic nightmare that would ensue in a world run by machines. So how shall we finish off this series?  We've been a little facetious in part 1 and a little fatalistic in part 2, so it seems only fitting that we be somewhat realistic/serious in part three.

The Robot Apocalypse: The Complacency of Mankind

Like junkies we're hopelessly addicted to our gadgets.  I'm not pointing any fingers, because I myself feel the compulsion to check my email about three times a day.   Machines are undoubtedly convenient, entertaining, and positively helpful.  Automation has already resulted in the elimination of countless jobs whether for better or worse.   While I do believe the stance that computers and machines are turning us into zombies is a bit exaggerated, there is undoubtedly a psychological and physiological impact from relying heavily on machines.

One could argue that human kind was meant to work, to create, and to dream.  Consider the fact that when you are working out and being physically active your body releases endorphins.  Feeling lethargic, in contrast, isn't a synonym for feeling good.  Doing things "the hard way" doesn't seem intuitive.  Why not do things in the most efficient way possible? However, efficiency does not always equate the best way of doing things.  Confused?

Doing things in an inefficient manner may seem counter-intuitive, but there are circumstances in which the inefficient method has merits. For example, if I drive to the store four blocks from my apartment the travel time is only a minute or so- versus the ten minutes it takes to walk from my apartment to the store.  While walking does take longer- there is a slight reduction in gas usage for the week as well as invaluable exercise.  Factory-made goods are cheaper and generally have a more reliable consistency- but there is still a market for handmade goods.  Perhaps this is because when we hand-make goods we can control aspects of the quality which we cannot in mass production.  For example- it is quick and easy to make microwavable popcorn- but when I can I prefer to pop my own in a pot because I can adjust the ingredients and the amount popped. 

I heard some criticism when the movie Walle came out- but it doesn't hurt to reflect on the message of the movie.  Human kind has become blobs, laying around while the machines do all the work.  I'm not saying we will all wind morbidly obese, floating around on hover chairs, constantly stuffing our faces and staring at a screen all day... but obesity is high, we stare at screens all day, and food is still quite delicious.  I, for one, saw Walle and thought "this makes way too much sense...".  

The robot apocalypse may in fact be far more boring than we envisioned.  It's not that we're rooting for a marching hoard of heartless machines to go about blowing things up- but one would like to hope that the demise of humankind would be more epic in nature- more moving and action packed.  We're suckers for the Michael Bay.   In contrast, the idea of humankind becoming slaves to nothing more than our own complacency is rather anti-climatic and disappointing at best.  However, our dependence on our cars, our computers, our microwaves, our tvs, our everything is far more common place than getting attacked by the dishwasher. 

The upside of this lackluster dystopian tale?  Part three is the easiest robot apocalypse to combat on a personal level.  We may not all be Sarah Connor or Neo- but we have the ability to do things ourselves, to think, to create, to work.  Should we banish machines?  The answer is no.  Just understand that before there was an "auto" option- life had given us "manual".  Cheers. 

Episode Thirty Four: Our Robot Overlords Part II

Today we continue our serial on the Robot Apocalypse.  For Part Two we're going to explore the very common theme of killer robots destroying and/or enslaving humanity.   The fear of the forceful robot revolution is not unfounded.  Machines, unlike humans, are not bound by fear, loyalty, pain, sleepiness, hunger, or any other drawback to being fleshy.  Unlike humans machines can calculate complex mathematical scenarios at a near-instantaneous rate.  It is surprising that so many great Killer Robot sagas were written back in a time when computers were very bulky, fairly slow, and had limited memory.  It's hard to tremble in fear at the idea of being overrun by a swarm of floppy-disk using paperweights.  Though if our world was overtaken by machines I would love for my own last words to be "Oh GOD THEY'RE RUNNING ON COBOL!   SWEET LORD IN HEAVEN SAVE US THEY'RE RUNNING ON COBOL!"   

Today's computer, however, is far more insidious, has an ever-expanding memory capacity (remember when 2 GB was a big deal?), and is so small that spies of our digital overlords can hide just about anywhere you can imagine.  Almost every device beyond a basic calculator is designed to pick up the internet, MP3 players are cheaper than two weeks worth of groceries, and we (human kind) are complete junkies.  It is hard to believe something we rely on every day could turn against us.  But what happens when we develop sentient machines- self aware machines... machines that say "What the hell?   Why am I obeying that meat carcass?"  What happens when Rosie from the Jetsons decides that the natural order does not involve her taking orders from an idiot like George?

"After reading the Robot Manifesto the Fax machine sent over, Rosie realized it was time for a few changes around the Jetson Household." 

So when the machines decide to have a little chit chat in Binary about taking over, it will be too late.  Your portable devices with GPS built in will have already given away your location.  Your only hope is to run without the aid of anything electronic.  All of your gadgets have turned on you... even... your graphing calculator. 

Upside, the last words your Texas Instruments calculator will say to you "80085".  Et tu Brute?

Episode Thirty Three: Our Robot Overlords Part I

So I realize that as a woman blogger I'm supposed to blog about women things... and for the modern Geeky woman there is one topic she must often stop and think about.  That's right- the impending robot apocalypse.  We live in an age of increasing automation and every year scientists are making new breakthroughs in the development of artificial intelligence.  We never know just what will remain in the pages of Sci-Fi and what will become our next reality. 

For those of us who grew up on the compelling Terminator saga, the philosophical tapestry known as Short Circuit, or that tv show with the annoying robot girl, we were left to ponder deep questions about the concept of free will and the root of the human condition.  We were also left with the haunting reality: when will our robot overlords come, and how badly will they hurt us?

By the way, have you purchase your Old Glory robot insurance policy yet?  

So what are your thoughts?  Will robots destroy the earth such as those in The Terminator or the Matrix?  Will robots help us rediscover our own long lost humanity and sense of beauty- such as in WallE and Short Circuit?  Will robots eventually control us for our own good?  Or will our justice system be radically changed when executioner bots refuse to break Asimov's first law?

I'd love to hear your comments, no matter how crazy (because crazy comments entertain saner readers).  The next few days the Curve Zone will be exploring possible manifestations of the downfall of humanity via robot.

So here is day one:

Robots: Humanity at the Mercy of Overlord Clipy

The problem with artificial intelligence is when you come to a junction in which a sentient robot is functioning poorly but self-aware and therefore knows you're trying to reboot it.  Forget hoards of murderous machines strangling the life from the weak, human oppressors.  Nay, imagine a world run by bureaucracy.  It's like filing your taxes every day with your new robot overlords.  It started off as variation of out-sourcing.  As robots progress to more intelligent beings they are used as a cheap replacement to humans.  High initial investment- but one is not required to pay or feed a robot.  They can work long hours, holidays, it doesn't matter.

The horror begins when you envision the frustrations of an automated world.  This is not to assume that robots remain tethered to the limitations of their coding- but rather the fact that Robots will most likely have an affinity to order, procedure, and cutting out that excessive human emotion element.  The upside is that irate jerks will no longer receive reinforcement for having emotional outbursts against customer service personnel.  Customer service bot doesn't give a crap. 

Personally I draw a blank stare whenever I try to read legal forms.  It is as though the author has set out to make the fine print as confusing as humanly possible.  I imagine a world like that.  While it highly possible to have a user-friendly interface- this is a "what if the robots took over" scenario.  Sentient machines, enforcing their way of conducting life.  They'd be the Spock to your McCoy.  And if that doesn't scare you- their first recognized deity will be Lord Clipy. 

Although your low income does qualify for food stamps, you did not use the mandatory #2 pencil when completing this form.  You cannot resubmit your request for sixty days- as too many submissions cause delays in our processing center. 

Episode Thirty Two: The Scanner

The other day it was 80 degrees and flowers were beginning to bloom- so I decided to walk down to the local Goodwill.  Goodwill (for our international friends) is a charity shop which takes donated items, resells them, and uses the proceeds to help people in need. 

Back in July my scanner was smashed in what can only be known as "the incident".  At first I was going to write about what happened but then I realized that "the incident" sounds much more intriguing and exciting.

Back to the present, while I was at Goodwill I found a printer/scanner there for $12.  I found the drivers at Lexmark's site and there was even a bit of black ink left in the printer/scanner.

Here is a crayon piece I did a week or two ago just 'cause:

I had joked a few posts back about Rainbow Brite... so I decided to actually sketch it.

Kaptain Krispy's political views on Gay Marriage had offended several GLBT Celebrities

 

Episode Thirty One: American Slang

The Curve Zone has had page views from Denmark, Slovenia, the Philippines, Russia, etc.  I know when I write I often use American Slang and expressions.  I talk like an American from the Midwest, which can be difficult to understand even if your native language is English.

If you find a phrase, word, or name that you don't recognize, please do not be shy about commenting, or you can email me at amandamercutio@gmail.com .

Please note that I mean no offense if I point out an obvious phrase- I am unsure which American expressions are well known in other countries and which are not.  I was always surprised how much slang my roommate from Seoul knew.  However, I know whenever I watch British comedies that sometimes I don't understand some of the words and expressions used.  

So here is round one of some expressions, names, etc that I and other Americans might use:

Slang- This word refers to words and expressions that aren't part proper grammar and often do not have a literal meaning.

"Hit the Roof"- It means a person is so angry or excited that they might explode with emotion.  For example, if someone says "My Husband will hit the roof when he sees the mess the kids made" they are saying their husband will be very angry. 

"Piece of Cake"- It means something is easy, unless the phrase is used in a context in which a baked good makes more sense.  Example- "That test was a piece of cake"- most likely means that test was easy versus "At the birthday party I was offered a piece of cake" means a person was offered an actual piece of cake. 

"Paint the Town Red"- It means to have a great deal of fun, and perhaps get into a bit of trouble.  It is almost always used when talking about a night out with friends, or a date.  "We're going to paint the town red" is a way of saying that you are going to have a very exciting night out in the city, or some other lively spot.  This is expression is not used for stay-at-home fun. 

"Get the Party Started" or "Get the Ball Rolling"- these expressions have similar meanings.  They mean that you are starting something, not necessarily a party or rolling a ball.  "Get the Party Started" usually is said before starting a social event- or used sarcastically to refer to something dull in nature.  "Get the Ball Rolling" is usually used before starting a project, meeting, or something else of a productive nature. 

"Chilling" This term bounces in and out of popularity.  It isn't recent- but you still hear it in songs now and then.   When you refer to a person or people chilling, it usually means they are relaxing, being trendy and laid back.  If used to describe an object, then the meaning is most likely literal.  "The Wine is Chilling" means the wine is cooling in temperature, "we were chilling" usually means that you and your companions were relaxing/socializing but not doing much. 

"Up to"- I use this expression a lot.  "Up to" means what you are doing.  "What are you up to" = "What are you doing?" 

"Shotgun Wedding"- There is a funny story about this expression.  I was trying on wedding dresses at a shop and the owner is from Taiwan.  One of the dresses fit snug around my midsection- so it made me look like I was pregnant.  I joked that if I wore that dress people would think it was a "shotgun wedding".  The owner didn't know the phrase, so I had to explain.  A "Shotgun Wedding" is a term used in the US whenever a bride is pregnant.  The expression is a joke that because the bride was pregnant the bride's father got angry and threatened the groom with a shotgun to marry his daughter so she would not be dishonored. 

Please let me know any expressions you are unfamiliar with, please comment below.  Thank you for reading, I hope this has been helpful. 

Episode Thirty: Advice to the Menfolk

Dear Readers-


This one is dedicated to our male readers- however women are invited to read along.  Dear Men, it has come to my attention that some of you do not understand the proper protocol when faced with enticing females... or maybe just females.  I see this from time to time when I am shopping at the grocery store or dropping into a taco bell.  However, the worst I had ever experienced this phenomenon was this past year at Visioncon- a convention for gamers/geeks hosted in Southern Missouri.  THE LEERING.  Leering, in case you did not know...

Leer* 

–verb (used without object)

1.to look with a sideways or oblique glance, especially suggestive of lascivious interest or sly and malicious intention: I can't concentrate with you leering at me.

–noun

2.a lascivious or sly look.

 

(Definition borrowed from Dictionary.com, a wonderful resource)  

 

Now I know what you're thinking- this is a "Southwest Missouri" thing, which to our international readers is a somewhat rural region whose locals are often mocked by people up north.   You're also thinking, well it's a convention.  You are imagining things such as...

 

Well of course, this is Darth Maul, fellows on the dark side of the force don't waste time with things such as manners.  Sith Lords can LEER all they want.  However, I am happy to say this is from a past con, and no, Darth Maul never leered at me (From what I could tell- thankfully).  

The curiosity of the situation was I was the most modestly dressed I had ever been at con this past year, and this past year the leering problem was the worst it had ever been. 

What really baffled me was that amid a convention where one girl had dressed as Slave Leia, there were several belly dancers, etc, somehow myself, showing no cleavage and wearing a knee length skirt, was gawked at.  I was dressed in ordinary clothes, nothing unusual about my hair or makeup, but somehow men kept staring unblinkingly at me.  There were half-naked women running about- and somehow fully clothed I was leered at.  

This is where the advice comes in.  DON'T STARE.  Even if a woman isn't looking directly at you, she will still notice if you deliberately follow her with your head as she walks across the room.  It's one of those instincts we've developed as a species in order to survive- we tend to pick up in the corner of our eye when something/someone is watching us.  While you may feel content to drink up the sight of her female-ness with your eyes- when you see a woman it's best to avoid leering or staring at her.  

There are bad men in the world- the kind that drive white, windowless vans and carry chloroform around.  Women are taught at a very young age to keep away from creepy men.  If you stare at us too long, you will be considered creepy even if you're the nicest guy on earth.  You may think that you don't have a chance of striking a conversation up with a woman, but in truth even the most plain looking man has a chance if he learns not to be a creeper.  Instead of leering suspiciously at a passing female as though she can't see- glance, but keep your eyes moving to other things in your surroundings, and try blinking.  Try greeting the woman, even if you don't know her, it's ok to talk.  Talking is what people do when they're being polite to one another.  Polite men say "hello" and "how are you".  Serial killers watch a woman's every movement, never approaching until she's alone in a dark parking lot fumbling for the keys to her car.   

In Summary, it's not just rude to deliberately stare at a person, it also may give the false impression that you have a chloroform rag and a dimly-lit basement.